Back in November of last year, SEVENTEEN‘s S.Coups took a hiatus from the group to put his health first. It was revealed that he’d been suffering from anxiety.
While the news had been sudden to fans at the time, what was going on with S.Coups during that time has come to light in the third episode of SEVENTEEN: HIT THE ROAD.
When idols see all the fans that have come to see them perform, it typically gives them the energy to put on their best performance to return the love they’re receiving.
In S.Coups’s case, it made him feel the opposite, “Even thinking about it now, it felt kind of like, with so many people there… Should I say pressured?”
That feeling wasn’t a one-time occurrence for S.Coups. He admitted he’s been feeling that way for a long time, keeping it in check by replacing it with Carats’ positive energy. Unfortunately, all of those anxious emotions had piled up to boil over.
I was always anxious for some reason. But, that anxiety was replaced by happiness when I got up on stage. However as that anxiety increased, I felt more uneasy and scared. It’s continued for a long time, longer than you would think.
Finally clearing the air about his anxiety made him so emotional that he had to take a break to gather himself. “It’s my first time talking about this. I shouldn’t be like this already,” he stated with teary eyes as he leaned forward to take a breather.
Thinking back to the moment on stage where he had to face how far his anxiety had escalated, S.Coups tried his best to fight against it to be there for his members as the leader they needed.
It was such an emotional turning point that he couldn’t help but shed tears, “Just before [we] went up [on] the stage, things got worse than I thought. Since I’m the leader, I thought I should hold on until I can push the limit. At least, until the group greeting.”
That’s when S.Coups received the signal that he needed. Despite how crazy it can get on stage, Mingyu had spotted him acting strangely.
Wiping his tears, he explained, “But, Mingyu seemed to have noticed because he turned around and asked me, ‘Are you okay?’ Ah, I thought that I did everything I can do here.”
Although he later tried to come back on stage, S.Coups refused to push past his limit because it would only make things worse.
That didn’t make him feel any less regretful, “While performing, I thought I might be traumatized and never be able to return to the stage. I hated myself so much at that time.” He didn’t have to be so hard on himself; there’s no shame in taking time to heal.
It’s always easy to see the sparkly, perfect images that idols put forth. For S.Coups to open up about his struggle with anxiety will not only help those suffering from it but remind everyone idols are only human.
Listen to him tearfully explain why he had to take a step back from the stage here.